By: lifestor | Nov. 9, 2020, 9:06 a.m.
Before, all I ever wanted was to be better than you and when I could not, I thought to myself that you were the person I deserved because you were stronger smarter and more intelligent. I tried the first time and you said no. Of course, it was a no because your mind wasn’t there. I bet you asked yourself why I tried it because we didn’t know each other that well. The truth is at that time I was always on top and if I wasn’t, I made sure that somehow, I would make it on top but with you that was a challenge and so I left and forgot about you. Truth is, it took a very short time and I was glad and I knew I felt I dodged a bullet because I like what came after you.
I stopped reaching out but then you started reaching out, before you never did but now that you reached out, I didn’t want anything to do with you. Not even as a friend, but somehow you were always the first person I would share great news with. At this time, I didn’t know what you were going through but I wish I did, you only told me about it a few months ago, I would have helped and if not, I would have learned from your experience and not gone through the same issue.
When you found out my problems you were there, even when I didn’t expect you to, even when I knew that just like everyone that had forsaken me you would too. I tried to push you away, I tried to stop you from caring but you didn’t let me. You said it was forever that you would stick out for me when I needed you. We became closer than I expected and soon I was singing my life’s stories to you, so it happened we had gone through a lot of similar issues. Right then and there my past started growing once more and I was convinced you were the one. When I smiled you noticed and asked why, you always complimented how I looked even when I didn’t feel I looked good enough. I thought different about our friendship because I barely got that kind of reception even from people, I had been friends with for ages.
My feelings had been dead for a long time but slowly they started growing. When I started paying attention to those feelings, I started getting angry at you or nervous around you. I was angry because I was jealous. Because you acted the same around every other person. Mine wasn’t a special case. You felt nothing and what you showed me was what you always did. I bet all those people would say the same thing as I am, some even approached me so I would get out of the way for them. Something that I would do in a heartbeat. Still you wouldn’t see it.
“sometimes I want to walk in your shoes, do the type of things that I never ever do, so I take a look in the mirror and I say to myself, you can’t survive like this.” True to these lyrics you created in me a green-eyed monster. I wish I knew what you were about early enough. I wish I never opened up to you the way I did and most importantly I wish I never felt a connection and that way it would be easier for me to forget about you. At some point I thought it was just you and me. For me it was but when I looked around it wasn’t the same for you and I got jealous all the more. I see your reaction to other people and I am jealous. I see other people’s reaction to you and I am even more jealous. I know I should not be because there’s nothing you promised that you didn’t do, yet I am still jealous.
“I wish you were me so you could feel this feeling” because I’m jealous.
Jealous by Beyonce - https://youtu.be/WQmYVfHrNxA
Sometimes it is not the song that makes you emotional, it is the people and things that came to mind when you were listening to the song.
Have you ever heard a song and wondered how much the songwriter knows about you? Music speaks to us through lyrics (well, including Carlos Santana’s guitar)...More!